Heard Headed & Stubborn

Sep 28, 2021

 Being hardheaded/stubborn is not a favorable personality trait…so I’ve heard. But I realized that in a lot of ways my stubbornness has helped me. I've had people try to scare me out of my goals plenty of times, more often than not! My whole childhood I wanted to work in fashion. I wanted to be other things too but those goals weren't as strong as wanting to have some sort of career in fashion. Senior year of high school I decided I wanted to be a wardrobe stylist. I had “family” telling me that I should get a city job or work in healthcare instead, and I immediately became defensive LOL. I don't like being told what to do and I most certainly don't want people that haven't done much with their lives trying to tell me what I should be doing. I was working full time at American Apparel, & still finishing up my senior year. I applied to FIT & City Tech lmao. I DID NOT want to go to college, I always hated school and I already knew exactly what I wanted to do. I just applied so people would shut the fuck up!!! 

The guidance counselor was helping me with my FAFSA application and I came to the realization...my mother is unemployed living off of child support so I would get to go to this school for free and I'd get extra money for “books”. I got into City Tech and did not buy one fuckin book. I took that 1k that was on that debit card from financial aid and I bought a laptop and a Nikon DSLR camera dropped out (didn't drop out just stopped going) started working at Barneys on Madison (RIP). My first year working there I began really posting on my fashion blog A LOT. I took this course called School Of Style that was ran by two celebrity stylists. I remember people thinking that me going to a “styling course” was dumb but I knew that it was in my best interest because I didn’t really have any support or guidance, people closest to me didn’t even believe in what I was tryna do so I had to put myself in a room with people that did. I was right, I met a woman from Finland named Jenny Haapala who was an assistant to April Hughes. She hired me as an intern, April shared an office with Katie Mossman another stylist, and her assistant Krisana. I worked mainly with Jenny and April but did get to work with Krisana and Katie a bit. I interned for about three months while working at Barney’s full time, I took a lot of my personal/sick/vacation days to intern and I was happy about it lol. People thought I was crazy for working that often but I swear I was so happy I barely ever felt tired. I met a Brazilian photographer who worked out of a studio right off the M train on Lorimer & I started doing test shoots, much to my surprise I was getting paid $200-$300 for one shoot. I did these shoots mainly for the experience I wasn't interested in styling models or celebrities, I really wanted to style everyday women and men. 

I didn’t think I would get paid for test shoots so that was a huge ego boost for me LOL. Fast forward to now I feel regret for not sharing that time in my life, I grew up with all kinds of social media but never really actually got into sharing and I think I got so used to people closest to me not being happy for me that I became accustomed to not sharing those happy moments cause the negativity would just fuck it up. I should’ve given myself more credit and promoted myself more. I don’t even have photos from those shoots and that makes me a bit sad, I can’t find them anywhere. I think I only have one photo from when I interned for ELLE Brazil. Even though I have zero interest in being a stylist now I still wish I would’ve been more vocal about my accomplishments/goals. 

In conclusion, I’m glad I’m stubborn and hardheaded, I'm glad I still moved forward with that goal when people closest to me weren't supporting me. With styling and my full-time job, I was making $1,000 a week that's not common for a 19-21yr old in NYC. 

No one can talk fear into my plans. If I want to do something, ima do it. Even if I’m going to fail... that's cool LET ME FIND OUT ON MY OWN. 


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